The Mindset You Must Have
But before we get to the question, you must adopt the mindset of “we are interviewing you.” You are inquiring if the doctor is a good fit for your family - or not. YOU are making the decision, and YOU are in control. Be clear about what you want, about what is and what isn't acceptable.
The ONE Question To Boldly Ask
Start off something like this:
I have concerns about some of the vaccines. We have decided not to do some.
What is your policy and your office's policy? Will you allow us to do that? Or do we need to look elsewhere? (The doctor might be more flexible than their official policy.)
Your attitude should be bold, loud and proud. You are NOT asking permission. You are testing for a good fit.
Assessing the doctor's response
If the doctor engages you in conversation, she's a contender.
If the doctor is rude or snarky, don't let her get away with it. This is good practice for you in being comfortable with making others uncomfortable. To protect your children, you must develop that skill.
So if the doctor is rude to you, be polite but firm and say something like “you know a lot about a little. I'm not getting the sense that you know much about vaccines. What tests can you do that will help us know in advance if my child will be the 'one in a million' (put your fingers up in the air to show disdain for this quote, since we know it is much more) who is gravely injured by a vaccine?”
Now here's the thing: there aren't any tests, and you can have fun pushing the doctor to admit that.
If he gives you generic hoo-haw about “the risks are so small, the benefits so big” - ask which 3 vaccines are most important and which 3 are least important. This will put many of the pediatricians that you should avoid into a corner like a trapped rat. I would even come prepared with your own ideas on this.
It's a very good sign if you get intelligent answers to that question. On the other hand: “they are all important” is a stupid non-answer. Time to leave. “Thank you, but I just can't take you seriously if you equate smallpox with chickenpox and HepB with polio.”
Bring a custom Vaccination Plan with you showing ALL the vaccines and ingredients that an infant could receive according to the CDC schedule. Ask the pediatrician to explain how this could possibly be safe for everybody? How does she know? How would she judge if its appropriate for your child?
The dangerous deal-breaker
The COVID shot is on the CDC's 2024 vaccination schedule for children. You must ask if the doctor recommends the COVID vaccine for children. If she says “YES”, ask her for scientific references that show children are at risk from COVID. If you are told that you can look that up, or "there is a reason it is recommended by the CDC", turn it around: but I'm asking you to back up your recommendation with science - and it appears that you cannot.
You should never choose a pediatrician who recommends the COVID vaccine for children. Honestly, at this point, I would not consider such a person to even be a real doctor.
Finding a good doctor is difficult
Some of us are going to have a really difficult time finding a good pediatrician. That's ok. There are an increasing number of good alternatives.
The pediatric world is built around shots. But healthy kids tend to stay healthy. Maybe you don't need to go in quite so much. As a new parent, especially if you feel like you don't know what you're doing, every 3 months for the first year could be helpful. And then not so much during the 2nd and 3rd year.
Our online community has resources to help find good vaccine-choice friendly doctors and alternatives to pediatricians.
